I know its long but please read and advise?

I put this in marriage and divorce and got no responses so I'm trying this section out because maybe you all will be more understanding... need some advice on forgiving





OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night including a text saying he thought he might be ';going through the big D and didn't mean dallas.'; 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.





PS, is it just me or has 27 become my unlucky number?I know its long but please read and advise?
i think you just getting it out into the open, and off your chest has done more for you than anyone here ever can.


keep it up, and you will soon find the answer is within you.


good luckI know its long but please read and advise?
i have a hard time forgiving people myself, especially if they dont apologize
Prayer can be helpful. Know that God can help you live a better life if you want Him to help you. You can have a personal relationship with God by saying the prayer below. God is our Creator, all-knowing, all-powerful, eternal, holy, love. God loves us and sent us His Son, Jesus Christ, so we can go to heaven if we know and follow Him. Forever means without end -- time on and on without death. Forever is what happens after we die. Either we go to heaven and be with God forever, or we go to hell which is very bad and painful forever. The good people who are saved believers in Jesus Christ go to heaven. The bad people go to hell. We need to know and follow God in this world to get to heaven in the next world. We follow God by loving and obeying Him and loving others for Him. Jesus Christ, God's Son, is our bridge to God. Jesus died on the cross to cancel our sins. We need to accept Jesus into our life as our Lord and Savior forever to receive God's blessing and forgiveness plus go to heaven to be with God forever after we die. This is about being a born-again Christian. Faith in God is a gift from God. You can pray for faith in God. Just speak out and ask God for the faith to believe in Him and to follow Him. Some people find faith in God when they realize the beauty in the world is made by God. Evolution can't explain the world's natural beauty, for example, the parks in the world, animals, flowers, peacocks, sunsets, butterflies, rainbows, etc. After you have your faith on, you can pray a sinner's prayer to be a born-again Christian. This prayer is very important and should be said with a sincere heart and faith in God. This is the prayer: ';Dear God, I know that I am a sinner and that Jesus Christ is the sacrifice for our sins. I have done the following sins (state these out) and I pray to discontinue these sins. I pray to receive Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior forever. In Jesus' name, amen.'; I'm Lutheran and I like the Baptist churches too. You could check out a Christian church and also their weekly Bible study group to learn about God's will for your life. You can pray to God about your daily life and have a Christian church pray for you.
Well I don't think I'm mature enough to answer your question correctly, but it's yahoo answers anyway.





I think first of all: Are you willing to forgive him? Do you want to forgive him? If the answer is yes, then I think you both just need time to get over it. It's not just some argument about a dog, it's him contemplating divorce at one time. Did he explain what he did, why he said that? Judging from your paragraph, it sounds like he's basically a caring person, and that was a one off thing, Perhaps it suddenly hit him that ';Whoa! I'm married! MARRIED!'; Maybe it just suddenly hit him.


Personally if my husband did that to me, I would never forget it as well, and I highly doubt people would blame us. Divorce is not a word to throw around.


He has to understand that you need time to forgive him.





Good luck =]
Since you have BPD, you know you can be a handful to deal with. BPD has both a genetic component and a trauma component that (usually) has occurred in childhood. Your emotional instability is fairly typical of BPD, also. One of your problems stemmed from the fact that you believed or expected that he would ALWAYS do 100% of what was necessary to take care of the dog, that he would be perfect. It was an unrealistic belief or expectation because no one is perfect. And that most likely stems from your BPD. The two of you need to be in counseling because you shouldn't be verbally abusing him and he shouldn't be tolerating your verbal abuse. The fact that you have BPD does not give you a license to verbally abuse another living thing. If you have serious issues about having a pit bull then address that with him and resolve it. If not, then apologize for starting the fight and pull yourself together. You are responsible for controlling your BPD, not him.