Christian marriage advice please?

Hi where do I start. I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4. We are having major problems, actually we have had major problems for the last 3 years since I feel pregnant as he was not ble to support me, and when things got really bad, he just bailed out. That is how he copes with things, and I understand that, but it caused a lot of resentment on my part.





Now I find it very difficult to enjoy sex or intimacy with him, and it has been 3 years. Sex has never been.. that fullfilling as I think we are incompatible but I though it would get better. I try to talk to him but he just freezes up and looks to do something else. Last night, he told me that he didn't like the two most important parts of my body to him (sex doesn't seem to stray far from that..) and it just hurt me because i thought, what do we have. We don't have conversations about anything because he doesn't like to, and i find myself continuously having to rake over things years later because he won't address them. Well i did, I don't bother now.





I know I made a mistake marrying him, because i MARRIEd him for the wrong reasons. I did it because... he'd hurt me so much, and all his family kept saying that he was such a good person, and all the things he did to me I took for his innocence. They made me feel I wasn't good enough, so I clung onto him for my pride, and because I loved him, but it was a desperate sort of love because his actions made me feel desperate and unconfient.





May be the past doesn't matter and it is how I handle the future that matters. I think he worries more about what other people think of him than what I do, i.e. at christmas he bought me nothing and did nothing for me, when my family asked I told them, and because he felt bad he made a real fuss for my birthday so everything kept saying, you have a wonderful husband look how much he loves you. And I did feel special, but at the back of my mind, truthfully, I worried about whether he did it for me or for other people's perception of him.





How do I move forward from this? I can't bear intimacy with him. It just feels so wrong, like I am kissing my brother or something. He always kisses with his eyes open and I think that means something, he is never truely there with me and I know it.





The only reason we are together is because of our son, and please don't say I shouldn't have had him, I will never regret nay path that led to my wonderful son.





I guess I pay too much attention to my son, but like I said, I find it difficult to spend time with my husband as he doesn't make me feel loved, and I guess he doesn't feel loved now either.





3 years ago, I was pregnant and then gave birth, and with eveything that happened I was vulnerable, and because I felt so unsupported I just sunbconsiscouly i think, decided that I had to look after myself and my son and put us first. I know that is wrong but it was self-defense.





We went out together last night for drinks and the cinema, and we had a good time ish, but he kept joking that his only problem was me, and he didn't want to spend that much time out with me, and then obs came iout with the confession that he wasn't keen on my body at first but go used to it.





I just think that we have to stay together for the sake of our son, and because I know that christian marriages are not divorcable unless there are infidelities or violence. So I have to find a way to get better and be happy.Christian marriage advice please?
Oh my dear sister..I have heard words like yours so many times. You feel completely trapped, hopeless, helpless, miserable, empty, and sad. This is not what God intended your life, or any marriage to be. You are remaining in a terribly unhealthy relationship in adherence to the law. We are not under the law, but Grace as our Savior has fulfilled every aspect of the law. Your husband can't hide behind your vows or God's plan for marriage and abandon you while living in the same home. This emotional abandonment is no better and no different than the physical kind. So often people marry for the wrong reasons. So often there is pride involved. As it is written, pride goes before the fall. So, here is what I will tell you with one caveat: speak to your pastor and tell him everything you wrote here. God has placed him in your life to be a help. He will tell you that God can renew your marriage, that although you see it was, ';Never meant to be'; that God can make it what He wants it to be and for you to be happy. This is a true statement, however it will not happen unless both people are committed to submitting to God's authority and will make themselves accountable in the process of their change. You do not have to remain in this marriage. It is not a Scriptural fact that God wants you to be emotionally abused and/or abandoned. That kind of legalism is man-made. This is not an excuse or a loophole for troubled marriages, but a marriage is a covenant between a man, woman, and God. What your husband has done breaks that covenant just as adultery would do. Trust, love, honor, and that which glorifies God in a marriage relationship are attributes that exemplify the meaning of the vows you and your husband took.


The Apostle Paul was the head of the Council of Sanheddrin. He was married as was required to hold that position. His conversion to Christianity led to the end of his marriage. No doubt his wife would not follow him on his new journey. Was this his sin? I think not. The issue is that you are not united in Christ, so you are not united at all. I will end my answer with this nasty statistic. Divorce rates in churches are slightly higher than in the secular world. Being called a Christian does not make a marriage healthy or even long-lasting. Only the actions we take as Christians within our marriages, the love we show each other and our obedience to Jesus renews, restores, and maintains joy in that sacred union of marriage. Talk to your pastor. See if he does not say precisely what I've told you here. If your husband does not yield to God's authority, be gracious and let go. You are a daughter of the King of Kings. He would not, He does not desire you to be in this circumstance. May you be filled with peace and draw your comfort and healing from Jesus who is all you need.Christian marriage advice please?
God never intended for people to live in unhappy marriages.





Christians get divorced all the time.
Undo the mistake and divorce him.
Not many people do regret having their children. But it makes divorce so much more complicated. If you are really this unhappy and see no hope at all for your marriage get a divorce.