Monday, August 9, 2010

How do I cope with friend who is having an affair with a man I was intimate with?

I have a friend/neighbor that is now having an affair with a man I was intimate with. Granted, I dumped him the second I learned that he was attempting to trick us and date us both. She, on the other hand, in spite of my pleas not to even give him the time of day, refuses to acknowledge that he is less than stellar and claims to have fallen in love with him.


It gets worse, she is living with her common law husband of 13 years and has no shame in leaving him with the kids to be with ';Joe cool'; at night at the bars or his house. She is sexually active with both men, hubby of course doesn't know.


Since we live in a small, tight town/lake community, other people have noticed and have been quite outspoken with me (since I am her closest friend) regarding her behavior. She is big on the public displays of affection to hubby, but disappears at night to be with ';Joe Cool';, people see it around town. I am embarrassed for her and let her know in a letter, telling her I cannot support her infidelity. My trust has been shattered because of her choice to be with this guy over our friendship and the friendship has changed. Now she continues her affair with ';Joe Cool'; and I am out. She speaks ill of me to others and I am devastated that my honesty was mistaken for ';being judgmental.'; How do I cope when she speaks to everyone around me and blatantly ignores me? Is this repairable? Am I a fool for caring?How do I cope with friend who is having an affair with a man I was intimate with?
You've stated your case to her. If she is adamant about being stupid, then that's her choice to make. She's badmouthing you because she thinks you're trying to break them up (you are). She doesn't want to see anything other than that.





You have nothing to be embarrassed about and you have no need to defend yourself against anything she says. You did what you could as a friend. She has to make her own mistakes.How do I cope with friend who is having an affair with a man I was intimate with?
If you're not still in relations with this man, it's not exactly any of your business. Whatever you do, you certainly should not confront either of them. If you can't accept the moral indications this has of your friend, feel free to just stop interacting with her as much, at least until this has passed. If you can accept it, just turn your head the other way.
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