Hi where do I start. I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4. We are having major problems, actually we have had major problems for the last 3 years since I feel pregnant as he was not ble to support me, and when things got really bad, he just bailed out. That is how he copes with things, and I understand that, but it caused a lot of resentment on my part.
Now I find it very difficult to enjoy sex or intimacy with him, and it has been 3 years. Sex has never been.. that fullfilling as I think we are incompatible but I though it would get better. I try to talk to him but he just freezes up and looks to do something else. Last night, he told me that he didn't like the two most important parts of my body to him (sex doesn't seem to stray far from that..) and it just hurt me because i thought, what do we have. We don't have conversations about anything because he doesn't like to, and i find myself continuously having to rake over things years later because he won't address them. Well i did, I don't bother now.
I know I made a mistake marrying him, because i MARRIEd him for the wrong reasons. I did it because... he'd hurt me so much, and all his family kept saying that he was such a good person, and all the things he did to me I took for his innocence. They made me feel I wasn't good enough, so I clung onto him for my pride, and because I loved him, but it was a desperate sort of love because his actions made me feel desperate and unconfient.
May be the past doesn't matter and it is how I handle the future that matters. I think he worries more about what other people think of him than what I do, i.e. at christmas he bought me nothing and did nothing for me, when my family asked I told them, and because he felt bad he made a real fuss for my birthday so everything kept saying, you have a wonderful husband look how much he loves you. And I did feel special, but at the back of my mind, truthfully, I worried about whether he did it for me or for other people's perception of him.
How do I move forward from this? I can't bear intimacy with him. It just feels so wrong, like I am kissing my brother or something. He always kisses with his eyes open and I think that means something, he is never truely there with me and I know it.
The only reason we are together is because of our son, and please don't say I shouldn't have had him, I will never regret nay path that led to my wonderful son.
I guess I pay too much attention to my son, but like I said, I find it difficult to spend time with my husband as he doesn't make me feel loved, and I guess he doesn't feel loved now either.
3 years ago, I was pregnant and then gave birth, and with eveything that happened I was vulnerable, and because I felt so unsupported I just sunbconsiscouly i think, decided that I had to look after myself and my son and put us first. I know that is wrong but it was self-defense.
We went out together last night for drinks and the cinema, and we had a good time ish, but he kept joking that his only problem was me, and he didn't want to spend that much time out with me, and then obs came iout with the confession that he wasn't keen on my body at first but go used to it.
I just think that we have to stay together for the sake of our son, and because I know that christian marriages are not divorcable unless there are infidelities or violence. So I have to find a way to get better and be happy.Christian marriage advice please?
Oh my dear sister..I have heard words like yours so many times. You feel completely trapped, hopeless, helpless, miserable, empty, and sad. This is not what God intended your life, or any marriage to be. You are remaining in a terribly unhealthy relationship in adherence to the law. We are not under the law, but Grace as our Savior has fulfilled every aspect of the law. Your husband can't hide behind your vows or God's plan for marriage and abandon you while living in the same home. This emotional abandonment is no better and no different than the physical kind. So often people marry for the wrong reasons. So often there is pride involved. As it is written, pride goes before the fall. So, here is what I will tell you with one caveat: speak to your pastor and tell him everything you wrote here. God has placed him in your life to be a help. He will tell you that God can renew your marriage, that although you see it was, ';Never meant to be'; that God can make it what He wants it to be and for you to be happy. This is a true statement, however it will not happen unless both people are committed to submitting to God's authority and will make themselves accountable in the process of their change. You do not have to remain in this marriage. It is not a Scriptural fact that God wants you to be emotionally abused and/or abandoned. That kind of legalism is man-made. This is not an excuse or a loophole for troubled marriages, but a marriage is a covenant between a man, woman, and God. What your husband has done breaks that covenant just as adultery would do. Trust, love, honor, and that which glorifies God in a marriage relationship are attributes that exemplify the meaning of the vows you and your husband took.
The Apostle Paul was the head of the Council of Sanheddrin. He was married as was required to hold that position. His conversion to Christianity led to the end of his marriage. No doubt his wife would not follow him on his new journey. Was this his sin? I think not. The issue is that you are not united in Christ, so you are not united at all. I will end my answer with this nasty statistic. Divorce rates in churches are slightly higher than in the secular world. Being called a Christian does not make a marriage healthy or even long-lasting. Only the actions we take as Christians within our marriages, the love we show each other and our obedience to Jesus renews, restores, and maintains joy in that sacred union of marriage. Talk to your pastor. See if he does not say precisely what I've told you here. If your husband does not yield to God's authority, be gracious and let go. You are a daughter of the King of Kings. He would not, He does not desire you to be in this circumstance. May you be filled with peace and draw your comfort and healing from Jesus who is all you need.Christian marriage advice please?
God never intended for people to live in unhappy marriages.
Christians get divorced all the time.
Undo the mistake and divorce him.
Not many people do regret having their children. But it makes divorce so much more complicated. If you are really this unhappy and see no hope at all for your marriage get a divorce.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Coping with the children after a nasty divorce.....?
My husband and I divorced after almost 9 years of marriage and in that time, had the most wonderful two children who are now 5 and almost 3..they are very young. During our 9 years of marriage as well, I went through sparatic abuse of all forms including physical, traces of infidelity,extreme taboo porn (including beastiality and incest..more incest than any) and one red handed count of molesting my older sister while she slept over for a visit (no charges were pressed). Needless to say he was twisted! I can seem to separate two things though...his relationship with the kids! He was....a WONDERFUL father who loved the kids..but his actions to me and his private time....tell me not so much. My kids(esp my son) look up to him. Now that we are divorcing....things change. I don't want to tear him outta the kids lives...but then again I want to protect them because I would be a fool to assume he is normal? My husband agreed to let me make a 1000 mile move if I brought the children home for visits according to school breaks....and so I did. I think the separation is good....it distances his ways and keeps the kids less prone to being around it so often and their chances low...but are still able to have a relationship. Before we agreed on separation, he started sleeping and seeing someone from a sex ad, and beat the crap outta me twice in front of my children. My views are pretty skewed on him, even his relationship with the kids. My move is made and I don't plan on uprooting my kids again...I just want life to go on! How do I handle the guilt of wondering how my children will turn out with their father far away and out of their lives.....or handle the moments of them missing their father???Coping with the children after a nasty divorce.....?
why WOULDN'T you want him out of your kids lives. He will teach them that this behavior is okay, that YOU are not to be respected and I PROMISE you he will abuse your children too. He may even RAPE them. This man is not a father he is a sperm donor. It is abuse just for your children to watch you get beat up. I never saw my father so much as yell at my mother and if you are divorce he did not LET you do ****. You did it on your own. You are an adult and you do not have to answer to him. You should not feel guilty for protecting yourself and your children. No kid needs an abusive father and you know what your kids are so young that if you just keep him away in 3 years they won't remember him. This was a good age to do this. Kids do not form permanent bonds and attachments and memories until they are five and your five year old is still young enough to undo the damage. Just don't go running into the arms of another man like this. There are men out there who aren't like this. I have been with (not sex for you perverts out there) 16 guys and NONE of them have hit me or raped me.Coping with the children after a nasty divorce.....?
Wonderful father?! WTF! Why isn't he in jail where he belongs! I hope this is just another bored troll out there.
I think that the fact that your son witnessed th abuse and will need therapy should be your major concern...forget about the distance between your children and your husband and focus on your cildren and how to deal with their needs because they have undoubetedly been traumatized. Their well-being should be of your utmost concern and you have already made the most important move and that was to get away from him. Now worry about dealing with caring for your children because they are most important.
why WOULDN'T you want him out of your kids lives. He will teach them that this behavior is okay, that YOU are not to be respected and I PROMISE you he will abuse your children too. He may even RAPE them. This man is not a father he is a sperm donor. It is abuse just for your children to watch you get beat up. I never saw my father so much as yell at my mother and if you are divorce he did not LET you do ****. You did it on your own. You are an adult and you do not have to answer to him. You should not feel guilty for protecting yourself and your children. No kid needs an abusive father and you know what your kids are so young that if you just keep him away in 3 years they won't remember him. This was a good age to do this. Kids do not form permanent bonds and attachments and memories until they are five and your five year old is still young enough to undo the damage. Just don't go running into the arms of another man like this. There are men out there who aren't like this. I have been with (not sex for you perverts out there) 16 guys and NONE of them have hit me or raped me.Coping with the children after a nasty divorce.....?
Wonderful father?! WTF! Why isn't he in jail where he belongs! I hope this is just another bored troll out there.
I think that the fact that your son witnessed th abuse and will need therapy should be your major concern...forget about the distance between your children and your husband and focus on your cildren and how to deal with their needs because they have undoubetedly been traumatized. Their well-being should be of your utmost concern and you have already made the most important move and that was to get away from him. Now worry about dealing with caring for your children because they are most important.
My girl talks to other guys, I dont like the fact that she does, this is why?
This is kinda been bugging me for a good 2 months now, I've been dating this girl for 2 years, I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. I know that I can be controlling at times and sometimes I just.. feel like I know what's best,, anyways here we go. So in the beginning of our relationship we did not talk to the opposite sex in regards to friends because we were both very jealous, If she talked to ANY guy at all, I'd hate it and just eat me up. It's like why do girls need to talk to guys!? what do they have in common! Lol.. i personally dont talk to any girls but her because she's still insecure and jealous about the whole thing, yet she started doing it again and got in touch with some of her old guy friends. Now...when I visualize it on the real, they arent a threat. When I think about a guy and my girl, it's always a threat, after all, every freakin guy think with his.... not his mind. I'm about fed up with the fact that she has become hypocricital and said oh you cant talk to your friends that were girls but I can talk to my guy friends. I'm like wtf why? she said because all girls do is like to mess up a relationship. I said uhh not true..some girls can be good friends. You need to trust me more, after everything I've done I havent given you any reason not to trust me. Let me mention that our relationship is healing from the worst crime out of em all, infidelity. about 4-5 months ago I found her talking to another guy. I'll admit, I was a jerk to her before those 4-5 months, calling her names, getting on to her for no reason, I was going through a rough time, which wasnt an excuse but for about 2 months in a row I just was being really mean to her, so she started talking to someone else, so you kinda know where this is going, she learned her lesson, so did I, but now like she talks to these guys and I'm jealous..I dont know what to do or how to get over it. Truthfully..I guess in the back of my mind I worry about her slipping again, so I worry about getting into any fight with her, i'd just rather keep my mouth shut :(! she doesnt hang out with these guys at all, just talks and yes I do know every move she makes. After the inciddent that happened, I've been a bit paranoid, who wouldnt be afterall? so..i know this is wrong and I'm trying to quit the habit but I check her myspace, her call records, and try to catch her doing whatever it is shes doing... its like I want to make sure she isnt messing with my heart and wont. She put it on her dads life that she loves me and that im all she ever wanted (no i didnt make it easy for her to win me back) and now we're engaged. im 21 shes 19 almost 20.
Please help me understand or cope with this better it's really beating me up :(, I know this is a long sentence but I'll def give good points or w/e...
thanksMy girl talks to other guys, I dont like the fact that she does, this is why?
ok..humm..well you have to take it easy on her...jealousy is a very bad habit...and picking on her all the time with no reason...please give her a break... the more u do that, the more u push her away from u...I'm sure that she knows u love her. Well u can't stop her from talking to other guys, she is not even you wife yet...and even if she was, that doesn't give u right to control her like that...she got life too u know, but I鈥檓 sure that she's talking to the guys to pay u back for what u did to her...I would dump u if I was her....lol..i cant stand jelaous types...u guys have trust issue...My girl talks to other guys, I dont like the fact that she does, this is why?
Wall of text
So I decided to read all of that. and it seems like she shouldn't be talking to other guys. just sit there and talk to her. If you guys have already had sex. that could be a problem. sex ruins the relationship.
um....how do u think u guys got 2gether? girls dont like controling guys!!!!! itz just very weird, im srry but just stating true facts!!
Please help me understand or cope with this better it's really beating me up :(, I know this is a long sentence but I'll def give good points or w/e...
thanksMy girl talks to other guys, I dont like the fact that she does, this is why?
ok..humm..well you have to take it easy on her...jealousy is a very bad habit...and picking on her all the time with no reason...please give her a break... the more u do that, the more u push her away from u...I'm sure that she knows u love her. Well u can't stop her from talking to other guys, she is not even you wife yet...and even if she was, that doesn't give u right to control her like that...she got life too u know, but I鈥檓 sure that she's talking to the guys to pay u back for what u did to her...I would dump u if I was her....lol..i cant stand jelaous types...u guys have trust issue...My girl talks to other guys, I dont like the fact that she does, this is why?
Wall of text
So I decided to read all of that. and it seems like she shouldn't be talking to other guys. just sit there and talk to her. If you guys have already had sex. that could be a problem. sex ruins the relationship.
um....how do u think u guys got 2gether? girls dont like controling guys!!!!! itz just very weird, im srry but just stating true facts!!
I think I am having a Nervous Breakdown?
Ok so I am at the critical point of deciding whether or not to divorce. I have very mixed feelings and the process is taking its toll on me emotionally. Today I feel like my heart is going to come out of my chest. I didn't sleep last night which doesn't help either. I know part of this is anxiety or panic attack, but how do I cope? I think the problem is that I don't want to let go and I am scared of what will become of me and our children, but think it is probably what I must do. I am also feeling a lot of guilt as I had an affair 5 years ago which kind of caused him to have his affair for the last 2 1/2 years. I don't think he can let her go - even though he stopped contact. His best friend lives with the OW's sister. I think everyone would be better off if I just left. 24 years together is a long time.
One more thing. He says all I have to say is stay and we will work it out. He wants me to tell him that in time I will be able to regain the love that I lost through his infidelity. I can't tell him that honestly because I don't know. So now he knows she loves him with all her heart and will take him and treat him like a king. How do I compete? Do I compete? Is he worth it?
Please, not stupid comments about how we deserve each other because we are both cheaters. I'm asking for sincere help only. Thank you.I think I am having a Nervous Breakdown?
I really believe you could work things out.
Especially because your husband sounds willing to work on it. But, work means work. He must avoid her to an extreme and at any cost. ie. lose contact with his best friend.
I am a believer that you can earn back trust after an infidelity but it takes being willing to be very accountable and very cautious for a while, ( on his part) Like a year at least.
I am also a believer in marriage. You ask is he worth it? I think a 24 year old marriage is definitely worth fighting for. Don't give up that easily...and as far as competing? I don't think he should have you in a position to even remotely be ';competing';. He needs to do what he has to do to take that out of the equation.
I'll pray for you.I think I am having a Nervous Breakdown?
Get off the computer and go see a doctor or take yourself to the ER, if necessary.
Or stop being melodramatic. A ';nervous breakdown'; and sleepless nights can be a sign of a serious mental disorder.
Back burner your marriage issues and get help for your psychological ones.
Oh wow, you are in a predicament.
I hear you had an affair once and he had one that has lasted and is still going on for the last 2 1/2 years? That's insane! There IS a big difference between a short affair/one night and one that has lasted this long. Are you putting up with it bc you had one?
That's crazy! He has the cake and eats it too. He has a mistress and a wife! LEAVE him. You have a thousand reasons;
1). There was a void in you to begin with, that's why you had an affair.
2). You are so unhappy and stressed that it's taking both emotional and physical toll on you.
3). You having an affair is NO reason or excuse for him to have one!!!! It doesn't give him any right! Either he forgives you or he leaves you but he can't use it as an excuse to have one himself!
4). You wrote here bc you are unhappy and desperate which means you have had enough.
I feel for you. You have had a long marriage but that does not mean it is still a good one and you deserve so much better.
I'm wanting to leave my husband too.
You are NOT alone!
Good Luck!
oh my heart breaks for you.....this is really hard and i'm not going to tell you it gets any easier....you need to take some time for your self and really think about what you want and how this is all going to turn out. I left my husband and in the process came to a relationship with Jesus.I don't know what your beliefs are and I'm not pushing mine on you, but I believe now if I had come to Jesus while I was still with my husband we may have worked it out. (he was a drunken a**hole, verbally abusive to me and our 2 year old daughter and i feared what was next) I began a new relationship right away and we love each other dearly but I feel the pain of my divorce everyday. Should I have stayed and dealt with the abuse? Probably not. I know I did the right thing but feel tremendous guilt over it. My daughter and I have a wonderful life now, that we could have never had before and her daddy finally grew up and decided to be a sober dad. I don't think that would have happened if I had stayed with him.
You should try to make it work and if it doesn't at least you can say you tried...
One more thing. He says all I have to say is stay and we will work it out. He wants me to tell him that in time I will be able to regain the love that I lost through his infidelity. I can't tell him that honestly because I don't know. So now he knows she loves him with all her heart and will take him and treat him like a king. How do I compete? Do I compete? Is he worth it?
Please, not stupid comments about how we deserve each other because we are both cheaters. I'm asking for sincere help only. Thank you.I think I am having a Nervous Breakdown?
I really believe you could work things out.
Especially because your husband sounds willing to work on it. But, work means work. He must avoid her to an extreme and at any cost. ie. lose contact with his best friend.
I am a believer that you can earn back trust after an infidelity but it takes being willing to be very accountable and very cautious for a while, ( on his part) Like a year at least.
I am also a believer in marriage. You ask is he worth it? I think a 24 year old marriage is definitely worth fighting for. Don't give up that easily...and as far as competing? I don't think he should have you in a position to even remotely be ';competing';. He needs to do what he has to do to take that out of the equation.
I'll pray for you.I think I am having a Nervous Breakdown?
Get off the computer and go see a doctor or take yourself to the ER, if necessary.
Or stop being melodramatic. A ';nervous breakdown'; and sleepless nights can be a sign of a serious mental disorder.
Back burner your marriage issues and get help for your psychological ones.
Oh wow, you are in a predicament.
I hear you had an affair once and he had one that has lasted and is still going on for the last 2 1/2 years? That's insane! There IS a big difference between a short affair/one night and one that has lasted this long. Are you putting up with it bc you had one?
That's crazy! He has the cake and eats it too. He has a mistress and a wife! LEAVE him. You have a thousand reasons;
1). There was a void in you to begin with, that's why you had an affair.
2). You are so unhappy and stressed that it's taking both emotional and physical toll on you.
3). You having an affair is NO reason or excuse for him to have one!!!! It doesn't give him any right! Either he forgives you or he leaves you but he can't use it as an excuse to have one himself!
4). You wrote here bc you are unhappy and desperate which means you have had enough.
I feel for you. You have had a long marriage but that does not mean it is still a good one and you deserve so much better.
I'm wanting to leave my husband too.
You are NOT alone!
Good Luck!
oh my heart breaks for you.....this is really hard and i'm not going to tell you it gets any easier....you need to take some time for your self and really think about what you want and how this is all going to turn out. I left my husband and in the process came to a relationship with Jesus.I don't know what your beliefs are and I'm not pushing mine on you, but I believe now if I had come to Jesus while I was still with my husband we may have worked it out. (he was a drunken a**hole, verbally abusive to me and our 2 year old daughter and i feared what was next) I began a new relationship right away and we love each other dearly but I feel the pain of my divorce everyday. Should I have stayed and dealt with the abuse? Probably not. I know I did the right thing but feel tremendous guilt over it. My daughter and I have a wonderful life now, that we could have never had before and her daddy finally grew up and decided to be a sober dad. I don't think that would have happened if I had stayed with him.
You should try to make it work and if it doesn't at least you can say you tried...
Worried about being away from my boyfriend?
my boyfriend is going away for 3 months soon and i'm worried about how i am going to cope..
we have been together for over 2 years now and we both feel very strongly about each other.. i guess that we are what both of us consider to be ';in love'; (no cynicism intended)..
he is touring with his band and we will have little opportunity to talk due to the cost of overseas calling and limited internet access - i have had people tell me that old cliche that ';boys will be boys'; on tour but it seems ridiculous to break-up in anticipation of infidelity. surely guys don't morph into sex-hungry debauched animals just because they're tripping around in a van with some guitars?
i just wanted to know whether anyone has ever been in a similar situation and whether their relationship survived..Worried about being away from my boyfriend?
My boyfriend went away on an internship for 3 months when we had only been dating for about a year and 5 months. I worried at first that the distance would make him not want me anymore, for whatever crazy reason (even though he was coming back in just three months for school no matter what). Well wasn't I stupid. It's hard to get over the whole not being able to see him when you want thing, and you'll miss him like crazy, but you'll cope with that part fine.
Now, as to YOUR boyfriend in a band...well that adds a risk factor, doesn't it? Here's the question, do you trust him? Fully, 100% trust him? If you don't, then do some soul searching. Is he the kind of guy that always checks out other girls (even if you're there with him), or says ';Oh this girl hit on me today'; (in a sort of proud or cocky way) or ';That girl is hot'; (even if she is just a movie star)?
If your answer is NO to all of those, then don't worry a bit.
Another thing to consider...are YOU willing to make the long distance work? You say that you both are ';in love.'; Now, does that mean that you THINK you are, or really you truly are? In my opinion, it means that neither of you consider another person worth your time (dating-wise) and that unless someone better comes along, you two will end up married someday. My boyfriend and I are at that point, and have actually decided, together, that we are getting married in a couple years.
And lastly, talk to him about it.
Best of luck!Worried about being away from my boyfriend?
There are internet cafes all over Europe. They won't be able to go to any city without having access to communicate with you. In most areas, the internet access will be free for up to two hours per day with a minimal charge after that. If they stop somewhere for lunch or coffee, he can send you a quick note or can make arrangements for you to be on at the same time that he expects to be on. If he does not have a laptop, get him one as a gift before he leaves
My boyfriend and i ended up going to college 5 hours apart from each other. I was worried because he was in a fraternity and he parties a lot so i thought that he might get drunk and do something stupid. He never did, we understood that we loved each other and that we would do everything to make our relationship work, if you decide that before he leaves im sure everything will be ok.
Nicky says, ';you should be worried'; as you're about to feel ';reality'; in a nutshell. While away with his band, he will experience copious amounts of alcohol and female genetalia while you'll be considering your own ways to cheat, unfortunately you wont have any effect on him at all and will only ending making urself look like a skank haha. yup, reality in a nutshell.
I have a boyfriend and we are in the same situation. I live in another state and only see him every three or four months.
The thing I have found to work best is just to keep your mind on something, then when you do get to talk to him, enjoy it, and love every moment of it
well i have a bf and we live kinda far from eachother so its really hard to see him...sence i am young i have no car its really hard.i lasted almost 2 months without seing or talking to him but when we did eventually talk everything was perfectly fine if you trust him it shouldnt be a problem it is going to be hard but you'll wait for him if you really love him
Well some times when I went out of town my relationship survived and he called me every single night but if that does not work since he will be over seas then write him a letter or send him a post card.
two years is a long time to be together remember that all the time. Chances are he will not. And if he does try not to care just simply break up with him!
No, guys behave on tour.
Signed,
Bret Michaels
we have been together for over 2 years now and we both feel very strongly about each other.. i guess that we are what both of us consider to be ';in love'; (no cynicism intended)..
he is touring with his band and we will have little opportunity to talk due to the cost of overseas calling and limited internet access - i have had people tell me that old cliche that ';boys will be boys'; on tour but it seems ridiculous to break-up in anticipation of infidelity. surely guys don't morph into sex-hungry debauched animals just because they're tripping around in a van with some guitars?
i just wanted to know whether anyone has ever been in a similar situation and whether their relationship survived..Worried about being away from my boyfriend?
My boyfriend went away on an internship for 3 months when we had only been dating for about a year and 5 months. I worried at first that the distance would make him not want me anymore, for whatever crazy reason (even though he was coming back in just three months for school no matter what). Well wasn't I stupid. It's hard to get over the whole not being able to see him when you want thing, and you'll miss him like crazy, but you'll cope with that part fine.
Now, as to YOUR boyfriend in a band...well that adds a risk factor, doesn't it? Here's the question, do you trust him? Fully, 100% trust him? If you don't, then do some soul searching. Is he the kind of guy that always checks out other girls (even if you're there with him), or says ';Oh this girl hit on me today'; (in a sort of proud or cocky way) or ';That girl is hot'; (even if she is just a movie star)?
If your answer is NO to all of those, then don't worry a bit.
Another thing to consider...are YOU willing to make the long distance work? You say that you both are ';in love.'; Now, does that mean that you THINK you are, or really you truly are? In my opinion, it means that neither of you consider another person worth your time (dating-wise) and that unless someone better comes along, you two will end up married someday. My boyfriend and I are at that point, and have actually decided, together, that we are getting married in a couple years.
And lastly, talk to him about it.
Best of luck!Worried about being away from my boyfriend?
There are internet cafes all over Europe. They won't be able to go to any city without having access to communicate with you. In most areas, the internet access will be free for up to two hours per day with a minimal charge after that. If they stop somewhere for lunch or coffee, he can send you a quick note or can make arrangements for you to be on at the same time that he expects to be on. If he does not have a laptop, get him one as a gift before he leaves
My boyfriend and i ended up going to college 5 hours apart from each other. I was worried because he was in a fraternity and he parties a lot so i thought that he might get drunk and do something stupid. He never did, we understood that we loved each other and that we would do everything to make our relationship work, if you decide that before he leaves im sure everything will be ok.
Nicky says, ';you should be worried'; as you're about to feel ';reality'; in a nutshell. While away with his band, he will experience copious amounts of alcohol and female genetalia while you'll be considering your own ways to cheat, unfortunately you wont have any effect on him at all and will only ending making urself look like a skank haha. yup, reality in a nutshell.
I have a boyfriend and we are in the same situation. I live in another state and only see him every three or four months.
The thing I have found to work best is just to keep your mind on something, then when you do get to talk to him, enjoy it, and love every moment of it
well i have a bf and we live kinda far from eachother so its really hard to see him...sence i am young i have no car its really hard.i lasted almost 2 months without seing or talking to him but when we did eventually talk everything was perfectly fine if you trust him it shouldnt be a problem it is going to be hard but you'll wait for him if you really love him
Well some times when I went out of town my relationship survived and he called me every single night but if that does not work since he will be over seas then write him a letter or send him a post card.
two years is a long time to be together remember that all the time. Chances are he will not. And if he does try not to care just simply break up with him!
No, guys behave on tour.
Signed,
Bret Michaels
Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Just to add... because of a previous answer I got... I do help with the dog and I do love the thing, and this is not all about a dog, its about 6 years of suppressed anger, please read on...
OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night including a text saying he thought he might be ';going through the big D and didn't mean dallas.'; 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
I think you might want to continue your therapy and medication(if you are on any) before making any decisions about your marriage.If you just recently started treatment, you certainly have to give your therapy some time to really work out your past issues. You do not sound as though you really know what you want right now. On one hand you say you are to blame, and then you state that you do not know how to forgive him. I can only tell you that if your marriage is going to last, trust between the two of you must be unconditional. I think there are plenty od issues here and time will only tell. You might want your husband to go into marriage counseling too. It usually takes two to create problems, and two people to save a marriage.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Listen to yourself. You were both wrong. When you get upset go do something, release the energy. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends, make new friends. You may not feel up to it but do it every day. Pray. God bless you.
I suggest you call a marriage counselor before your marriage gets any more out of hand. You go first and bring him later.myspace quizzes Will giving my 6 week old
OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night including a text saying he thought he might be ';going through the big D and didn't mean dallas.'; 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
I think you might want to continue your therapy and medication(if you are on any) before making any decisions about your marriage.If you just recently started treatment, you certainly have to give your therapy some time to really work out your past issues. You do not sound as though you really know what you want right now. On one hand you say you are to blame, and then you state that you do not know how to forgive him. I can only tell you that if your marriage is going to last, trust between the two of you must be unconditional. I think there are plenty od issues here and time will only tell. You might want your husband to go into marriage counseling too. It usually takes two to create problems, and two people to save a marriage.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Listen to yourself. You were both wrong. When you get upset go do something, release the energy. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends, make new friends. You may not feel up to it but do it every day. Pray. God bless you.
I suggest you call a marriage counselor before your marriage gets any more out of hand. You go first and bring him later.
It's time for me to let it out and get some advice on forgiveness...?
OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night. 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.
PS, is it just me or has 27 become my unlucky number?It's time for me to let it out and get some advice on forgiveness...?
Sweety this is a start to a new beginning of life for the 2 of you..The 2 of you obviously have a strong bond and love that is helping you get through this together..
Your on your way to a very clean start, just continue your counseling and the medicines that have been given to you for your diagnosis..Don't let this get the best of you and your marriage, it's not worth it..You do need to forgive him..He is still there with you and loves you more than ever so that right there is the most important thing and it is going to keep your marriage going and not in divorce..
You have yourself what sounds like a wonderful man so don't let him go or ruin it..
Good luck to you and your family!!!It's time for me to let it out and get some advice on forgiveness...?
Hello my name is Dakota and I think it is very courage of you to have placed your question for all to see. I am very aware of Borderline Personality Disorder. My daughter has it. If I totally agree with her then I rock, when I disagree, or don't allow her to use me, the she does everything she can think of to destroy me both verbally, emotionally and phychially. She is 27 and took out a bogus restraining order that I punched her in the stomach during her 7th month of pregnacy even though I was the one to call the police because she was becomeing uncontrollable. Well the judge awarded her the restraining order for the next 2 years. That was Nov. 24, 2007
She gave birth to my grandson in Jan. 2008. I have not seen him, held him, because of the restraining order. I know I have grandparent rights but I am not about to go up against someone who refuses to admit that she has Borderliine Personality Disorder and has done nothing for herself. Congrats to you for going through the challenges of restoring your thinking.
Now back to your situation. Although your husbands behavior while you were in the hospital was off the wall according to how you describe him and his normal reactions to things, I know its hard but try to forgive. If you balance the equation out your behavior for so many years before you were diagnosised was trully bazarr but your husband was there for you even though neither of you knew what was trully going on with you.
Love means not counting each others mistakes. Or character assination. In other words, Love is not cruel, it does not measure offensives, Love is Kind, Love Forgives, Love Creates (like your daughter) its a hard concept to wrap oneself's brain around when you are so terrible hurt. Also I believe you are suffering from Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. I say that because of the reaction you give regarding your husband texting this girl. You said that someone cheated on you once before and you would not let that happen to you again, perhaps all the pain from that relationship has risen again and now is included in what your husband did when you were in the hospital.
Could you possibly be over reacting because of past pain? If so that's PTSD.
First Concentrate on your Recovery, Second Remember what Love Does and Doesn't Do.
Be grateful that your husband and you are still together the rest is like they say small potatoes.
Good Luck to you
You are in a tough situation. The only way this can work out is if there is going to be forgiveness from your side , you cannot bring the past into each others face. On the other hand,it sounds like you are pretty fed up with each other. These type of situations are not appropriate for no one. If you can get strength and gain some dignity, by all means , take time away from each other. During that time you go out with friends and enjoy yourself to the max and I'm sure that is going to take you to making a final decision,which will be for the best. If deep inside you feel that he has not appreciated you, tell yourself ,he does not deserve me. We have got to value ourselves more. Wish you the best.
I'm sorry you feel so consumed with this and understand the struggle to forgive. I have serious issues with forgiveness. But In your case, when you look at how you know that you blew up at him, you said yourself that you have serious control issues, you said that you have extreme jealousy issues from your past, you said yourself that you sat on his car so that he can't leave.
With all of the SELF evaluation, that should make it easier to take a look at what this man was going through at the time and why he resulted to such extreme behavior that you yourself said is out of character for him.
Honey, I'm soo sorry you are feeling this way but I think that if you just would think about who he was living with at the time and the drama/stress that he was under, you should feel very bad for him and do alot of work on self (which I hear you say you are doing) and take responsibility that you pushed him out the door. I don't want to beat you up about your past we all make mistakes but though I understand unforgiveness because I wrestle with it, when I wronged the person and their hurt towards me was a reaction, then it's much easier for me to put myself in their shoes and forgive them.
You shouldn't allow your household to blow up over who's going to take the dog out. Just ask yourself is it really worth it and take the dog out. Pick your battles carefully!!!! You say he's a wonderful man.
P.S. When people mistreat their spouses, there is always someone else out there who is willing to treat them better. I hope you remember that when you get that desire to act out.
I hope YOU get better (emotionally and mentally) and do all the work it takes to get YOU better so that your marriage will get better.
Best Wishes!
PS, is it just me or has 27 become my unlucky number?It's time for me to let it out and get some advice on forgiveness...?
Sweety this is a start to a new beginning of life for the 2 of you..The 2 of you obviously have a strong bond and love that is helping you get through this together..
Your on your way to a very clean start, just continue your counseling and the medicines that have been given to you for your diagnosis..Don't let this get the best of you and your marriage, it's not worth it..You do need to forgive him..He is still there with you and loves you more than ever so that right there is the most important thing and it is going to keep your marriage going and not in divorce..
You have yourself what sounds like a wonderful man so don't let him go or ruin it..
Good luck to you and your family!!!It's time for me to let it out and get some advice on forgiveness...?
Hello my name is Dakota and I think it is very courage of you to have placed your question for all to see. I am very aware of Borderline Personality Disorder. My daughter has it. If I totally agree with her then I rock, when I disagree, or don't allow her to use me, the she does everything she can think of to destroy me both verbally, emotionally and phychially. She is 27 and took out a bogus restraining order that I punched her in the stomach during her 7th month of pregnacy even though I was the one to call the police because she was becomeing uncontrollable. Well the judge awarded her the restraining order for the next 2 years. That was Nov. 24, 2007
She gave birth to my grandson in Jan. 2008. I have not seen him, held him, because of the restraining order. I know I have grandparent rights but I am not about to go up against someone who refuses to admit that she has Borderliine Personality Disorder and has done nothing for herself. Congrats to you for going through the challenges of restoring your thinking.
Now back to your situation. Although your husbands behavior while you were in the hospital was off the wall according to how you describe him and his normal reactions to things, I know its hard but try to forgive. If you balance the equation out your behavior for so many years before you were diagnosised was trully bazarr but your husband was there for you even though neither of you knew what was trully going on with you.
Love means not counting each others mistakes. Or character assination. In other words, Love is not cruel, it does not measure offensives, Love is Kind, Love Forgives, Love Creates (like your daughter) its a hard concept to wrap oneself's brain around when you are so terrible hurt. Also I believe you are suffering from Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. I say that because of the reaction you give regarding your husband texting this girl. You said that someone cheated on you once before and you would not let that happen to you again, perhaps all the pain from that relationship has risen again and now is included in what your husband did when you were in the hospital.
Could you possibly be over reacting because of past pain? If so that's PTSD.
First Concentrate on your Recovery, Second Remember what Love Does and Doesn't Do.
Be grateful that your husband and you are still together the rest is like they say small potatoes.
Good Luck to you
You are in a tough situation. The only way this can work out is if there is going to be forgiveness from your side , you cannot bring the past into each others face. On the other hand,it sounds like you are pretty fed up with each other. These type of situations are not appropriate for no one. If you can get strength and gain some dignity, by all means , take time away from each other. During that time you go out with friends and enjoy yourself to the max and I'm sure that is going to take you to making a final decision,which will be for the best. If deep inside you feel that he has not appreciated you, tell yourself ,he does not deserve me. We have got to value ourselves more. Wish you the best.
I'm sorry you feel so consumed with this and understand the struggle to forgive. I have serious issues with forgiveness. But In your case, when you look at how you know that you blew up at him, you said yourself that you have serious control issues, you said that you have extreme jealousy issues from your past, you said yourself that you sat on his car so that he can't leave.
With all of the SELF evaluation, that should make it easier to take a look at what this man was going through at the time and why he resulted to such extreme behavior that you yourself said is out of character for him.
Honey, I'm soo sorry you are feeling this way but I think that if you just would think about who he was living with at the time and the drama/stress that he was under, you should feel very bad for him and do alot of work on self (which I hear you say you are doing) and take responsibility that you pushed him out the door. I don't want to beat you up about your past we all make mistakes but though I understand unforgiveness because I wrestle with it, when I wronged the person and their hurt towards me was a reaction, then it's much easier for me to put myself in their shoes and forgive them.
You shouldn't allow your household to blow up over who's going to take the dog out. Just ask yourself is it really worth it and take the dog out. Pick your battles carefully!!!! You say he's a wonderful man.
P.S. When people mistreat their spouses, there is always someone else out there who is willing to treat them better. I hope you remember that when you get that desire to act out.
I hope YOU get better (emotionally and mentally) and do all the work it takes to get YOU better so that your marriage will get better.
Best Wishes!
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