How do families deal with infidelity? And their family members who are abused and keep taking it?

I have a sister who I love, who was cheated on. Her husband emotionally and sexually abused her for years and was also having affairs.





Besides ';their'; issues, he was disrespectful on many occasions, to all members of her family. It has become that I want nothing to do with this guy. Hes not welcome in my home, you disrespect me, your outta of my home. I wont let him come in my home and cont. this disrespect.





He has now come back and she has decided she needs to take him back.





We have tried to counsel her, but she doesnt want anyone in her families advice. Doesnt want to hear a neg word about what shes doing.





But, she calls, comes over etc., and is like, ';hes a changed man, hes found God,'; etc. etc. etc. I dont BUY a word of it. Im like ';No, hes not welcome in my home';. Im not budging on this. Ive had it with this guy, if you want to cont. to make your life miserable,go for it.





He wants back in to our lives, however, he still hasnt apolojized for his disrespect to us, how can I accept him?





Families have to cope with infidelities too, how do we do it?





I cannot keep giving someone chances to change their behavior. Been there, done this. Im not going to be around someone who disrespects my family in the ways he has done. My days of being disrespected by this clown are overwith. I have bent over backwards to be nice to him, bdays, etc., for my sister, and he still slams me down. She does nothing about it. She just wants me to accept him now, and I cant. I cant be around someone who is this type of person. How am I ever suppossed to look at him in a different light- everytime I see his picture I look at his fat dirty face, who has slammed doors in my face, and said awful things to me. There are no chances now. Maybe in 5 years, but I still feel like Im always going to look at his face and see ';CHEATER'; written on it.





Also, the family does have to ';deal'; with part of it. We constantly lend support, mentally and financially.





As the family, we are dealing with the crying phone calls, the damage to the property, we are the ones who have to constantly pick up the slack, here, there, wherever, and I want to help, but I only want to help soeone who wants to be helped. She cries she needs my help, I give it, and then that night shes got him over at her house. Its like a slap in the face- its like how can I help you, if I doing ';his duties around the house'; and then you invite him over- obviously, for casual sex....... It does become the families problem too. Enough is enough.





She has now sent my husband a card for his bday with a check in it- she has NEVER sent him a birthday gift before. I see this as a way back in our lives.... like shes not sure if we are serious or not....





I need help coping with this, please help.





Thanks.How do families deal with infidelity? And their family members who are abused and keep taking it?
Reagan said trust but verify.


Do the same and allow small steps but be ready for him to fail.


I believe in second chances and think you would feel better if you did too.